Sierra, Danielle, and Kaitlyn
A few thoughts and some open letters
This extended season of Bachelor in Paradise has allowed viewers to form many opinions and views on the various love triangles and storylines. Is itching low-level pain? Should Eliza choose Rodney or Justin? Which twin is Joey, and which twin is Justin? When has Kate ever been critical of Logan?
However, one of the most discussed topics has been Michael A's breakup with Sierra. See below:
After Michael and Sierra break up, Danielle walks down the steps, and the two have been inseparable since. Insulated from the torment other couples have faced, including splits week and produced love triangles, Danielle and Michael have been one of the strongest couples on the beach.
Many assumed Sierra would go quietly, which has not been the case. Sierra has been using social media outlets like Tiktok and Twitter to air her grievances. Most have been mild and in good fun.
Recently, a Reddit post with a clip of Kaitlyn Bristowe and Danielle Maltby has been making the rounds. In the post, Kaitlyn and Danielle discuss Sierra's social media critiques of Michael while downplaying their time together and insinuating that she's using this opportunity solely to promote her new music. Sierra tweeted messages from fans and mentioned Danielle and Kaitlyn in her post. As of this writing, Danielle and Kaitlyn have yet to respond.
Like Kaitlyn, I am an outsider, but I thought I'd write a letter to each party involved and Bachelor Nation with my takes.
Dear Kaitlyn,
This post isn't my first time writing you in a public forum, and I appreciated your positive response, so I hope this will be the same. I know you have done more than most to speak up when you see wrong. You followed the blckchleorettes and had them on your podcast and made a post about the finale and addressing Erich's scandal, so it hurt me to see you invalidating Sierra’s feelings. You have made it clear during Gabby and Rachel's season that you hate "pitting women against each other." Yet, in this clip, you conveniently have trouble remembering Sierra’s name, devalue her feelings, and accuse her of using a storyline for likes and clout.
The most troubling thing about this is that you do know better. You have all the tools at your disposal to be better, and you are one of the few women who use a platform of your size to call out the franchise for its missteps. I want you to have the same energy for yourself. As someone with a brand of flawed imperfection, I'm hoping you use this moment to show that even someone who is more progressive than their peers has work to do.
Acknowledging your misstep publicly and owning it can shift this dialogue into a productive discussion, and frankly, one that's needed in Bachelor Nation. I know you may feel defensive and reactionary at this moment, but please push past your discomfort and choose to use this as an opportunity for conversation and growth.
You've never spoken to Sierra, so bring her on your podcast. Listen to her side instead of snippets and clips on the internet, and allow her to be heard instead of criticizing her for being opportunistic, especially as someone who makes a living off the franchise.
Dear Danielle,
I know that your side of this story is that you're protecting your guy, and you've provided space for me and other women like me in this franchise, and that's not something I take lightly. I get the desire and need to protect your relationship and your story. I also get the urge to support your partner as he faces criticism for his choices on the beach before your arrival; however, you must consider how your story and situation fit into the overall narrative and conversation.
It is never ok to invalidate someone else's feelings, especially when you're in a position of power. You have more followers and a bigger platform. Your frustration with the situation can easily lead to people attacking her character and livelihood in far more harmful ways than your intent. I know that's not something you stand for, so it was surprising to listen to this segment. You don't have to be her friend, and you don't have to support her content, but you can refrain from engaging in messy, unnecessary dialogue that leads to more drama, which is so unlike you. I would take a page from the book of Becca K. She quietly unfollowed the person shading her beau, and she's very happy today.
Dear Sierra,
I am proud of you for giving love a shot twice on a franchise that doesn't have an excellent track record for seeing and supporting Black women. I can tell that you developed real and valid feelings for Michael and that it must be disappointing and disheartening to hear that they reduced it to attention-seeking behavior and attempts at clout.
First, I'm sorry that your story didn't end as you intended and that you had to watch someone you care about develop feelings for someone else. You are allowed to process that however you see fit. Even if you never get the apology or answers you seek, know that your advocacy for yourself is empowering. Whether on a reunion or social media, I have always admired your ability to be unapologetically forthright, as it encourages many people to do the same.
I hope you find the love you seek, and I hope you continue to allow your fans to be part of that journey.
Dear Bachelor Nation,
I'm torn, as always. On the one hand, I'm seeing many people support Sierra and the other Black women this season, like Kira, Teddi, Eliza, and Serene. These women, Sierra, Eliza, and Kira in particular, have faced harsh criticism throughout the season, especially compared to their peers; to be clear, I've seen misogynistic comments about all of the women on social media. They've been called out of their name, portrayed as crazy for displaying emotion, and been deemed cougars at 30, destined for a life of solitude.
However, when you combine sexism with racism, the comments and the abuse are entirely different. I understand that even this post calling in two women for their comments on a podcast leaves out some of the harmful rhetoric of people like Nick Viall, who has a track record of making misogynistic comments. But, as someone who sat through the 12 Days of Messy that was largely encouraged by the fanbase, it's not lost on me that now Sierra is being told to "get over it", when's she likely spent more time with Michael than Katie did with some of the men she mentioned in her social media posts.
I see so many positive and supportive comments towards Sierra, and I see so many people sharing and supporting Kira's article about how her time on the show has no merit on her ability to do her job as a doctor. I've only seen support for Teddi's decision to leave the show, and there's not a person in Bachelor Nation who isn't rooting for Brandon and Serene. As with every season, I end with the mind of the Bachelor space being just a tiny bit better than where we started with the onscreen portrayals and the offscreen commentary.
So fellow Bachelor fans continue pushing against harmful narratives that often disproportionately impact women of color. Please continue to support the contestants using their platforms to provide context and nuance to the situations we see on our screens. While it seems like we've watched the entirety of Paradise footage, we are often missing layers and making judgments on limited information. Be open to hearing other perspectives and holding space for others. Use this shared community to discuss everything from itching to discrimination. Just be sure to keep an open mind, push through discomfort, and look for ways to expand Bachelor Nation into an inclusive community on and off the screen.
See you at the finale next week!
Edited to add:
Sierra posted a follow up tweet saying the following:
As a woman who is 35, I’m “damn near 40” myself, so I don’t agree with the age shaming. Sierra’s feelings are in fact valid. I have love for all 3 women, and I really just want to see everyone win.